The revolution will be serialized

Due to recent legal problems I am contractually obliged to allow a word from our sponsors...

"It has not escaped our attention that our client, Mr. Glenn J Bradford, has been using Blogger, and in particular, The King of Destitution blog, as a means to document his one-man crusade to revolutionize the minds of the wider reading public. Neither has it escaped our attention that his attempts to bring alternative literature to whole new spectrum of potential subscribers, has, by and large, been unsuccessful. From the outset it was understood that the relationship between our two parties would remain silent until it deemed appropriate by both to reveal the nature of our contract. This was due, in part, to the sensitive boundaries which outline the work of K.O.D (notably, the punk ethic and socialist stance that the blog exudes, and the potential jeopardy that association with a multi-national company could cause).
In the six weeks that have passed since pen was first put to paper, the aforementioned Mr. Bradford has not only broken contract on three separate occasions, but also failed significantly in his recruitment targets. Rather than remove funding and abort the project, we saw it necessary to break the code of silence and issue this statement, thereby disclosing the terms of contract.
The original forty page document has been condensed into a few a sentences that we feel completely encompass the main aims of the agreement between the two parties and our reasons for reaching this decision:
In accordance with the document signed on 10/07/2010, Mr. Bradford would receive substantial cash payments to facilitate his on-going activism in the field of alternative literature, and in return would provide us with a preordained number of new subscribers to our monthly publication. It was assumed that our respective readers would be interchangeable in terms of both personal interests, and overall number. Despite Mr. Bradford's assurances, none of this has been found to be true, therefore clause 13.2 of the contract has been activated. All K.O.D activities will now continue under the watchful eye of our lawyers."
Pete Redmond, Razzle Magazine

Thank god that boring bastard's fucked off. Who does that Pete flipping Redmond think he is anyway?(N.B. Pete Redmond is in no way a pseudonym for Paul Raymond - PR) It's all lies; poppycock, bullshit, and lies. I mean, who wants to buy dirty magazines anyway? I'd be better off selling Betamax video club membership cards for fucks sake - that, or try resurrecting the bloody sodastream (Oh yeah). On a serious note though, this whole unfortunate incident has somewhat delayed the hotly anticipated King of Destitution Manifesto. I know, I know: the people of Great Britain need a new document of hope to cling on to. A genuine, unadulterated proclamation by which to restructure their lives, because, let's face it, the bible is a bit fanciful if you ask me. We need something based on reality that will have an immediate effect on the quality of our daily lives. I'll knock it up over the weekend if that's alright...

The Abstract Revolution Continues.....

Deary me, what a ruddy palaver. I mean, I don't want to get me pantaloons in a rather unfortunate tangle, but crikey-o-riley, this things deader than the decomposing remains of a still-born albino dodo. So far, King Of Destitution has got one follower - one! Philistines! But not to worry, I'll keep plodding on, Rome wasn't built in three weeks you know....actually, you probably don't - Philistines! (It's okay, I can say what I want - nobody reads it)

Right, so what's happened since the last blog? Not a lot. I didn't win a short story competition, and the entry that did was shit. I can categorically state right now that my story was loads better, and funnier. The judges obviously only wanted to read dreary mainstream shite, opposed to my pant-pissing extravaganza of abject morality and mind-bending hilarity. I'll try something a bit more serious next time - that'll shit 'em up. However, the results of the COOLDOG Poetry Competition have yet to be announced, so I shall keep you posted.

In other news, I've just contributed a column to the forthcoming Issue 9 of Lights Go Out fanzine. Mr. T kindly let's me write what the fuck I like in his fabulous fanzine, and we share a birthday, so up yours (not sure who that was aimed at, but us independent writer types stick together). If you haven't had the pleasure of reading LGO yet, make it your top priority: fuck that liver transplant, bollocks to your wedding, order a copy today...RIGHT NOW!! Here's the link...

Lights Go Out

That'll do I guess. Coming up in next weeks issue: The King of Destitution Manifesto.

"Just because your better than me.
doesn't mean I'm lazy.
Just because I dress like this,
doesn't mean I'm a communist." 'To Have and Have Not' by Billy Bragg

Peace, love, and popadoms
Glenn